What To Say?

I have been feeling for awhile that I should update on Kate, but I don't really know what to say. There are so many questions I have with no answers, so many thoughts, and so much emotion that I don't know how to compose it into readable material.

There are all the clinical facts. She is still having 1-4 seizures a day. Is on two different medicines the second of which we have been increasing the dosage of for 2 months straight trying to make a difference in her seizure activity. She is having side effects pretty much every time we bump up to a new dose but they seem to resolve after about a week...just in time to bump the dose again. She is in a period of having difficulty sleeping too, probably related to all the changes in medicine.

I can't tell you how much I want for her to get to a place where medicine is working and we can be stable for a time. I often worry that won't happen to be honest. It is hard to be giving these powerful medicines to my little girl and not be able to have her tell me how they make her feel. I worry if they will have long term effects on her body. I wonder if there are other avenues of treatment we should be pursuing and how would I find them? Am I doing all I can and being responsible? I am praying for God to lead us in wisdom. We need it so badly. I was reminded today of the scripture to be strong and take heart, and wait upon the Lord. It is hard to do, but not impossible because He is caring for us. And He is caring for our Kate. We have seen evidence recently that He ministers to her in ways we can't know and that has meant to much to me.

Kate does seem to mostly be doing well. She is very happy and makes some small developmental changes from week to week. She is really enjoying playing with Sam when he is in his exersaucer or johnny jump up. She has loved the times we've gone to the pool this summer and has gotten really good staying upright in the water with a little floatie around her middle. Real Simple magazine provides her unending amusement and she has dogeared several of my issues. In her therapy she is learning to put stickers on paper and color without eating the stickers or the crayons (baby steps friends, we make baby steps:) Laura, our therapist, has a little plastic birthday cake with candles that light up when you press a button and then the cake sings "Happy Birthday" and you can blow the candles out. It's really cute and Kate just loves it. She says "hap birtday!" and asks Laura for the cake first thing when she arrives. Those are a few little peaks into her life right now. I want to be grateful for each little step we see and not just look at the massive amount of things I hope to see in her. Kate isn't distressed about where she is developmentally and I don't want to be either!

Well, it is quite late and one or both kids will be up in the night so I should go get some rest. Thanks for reading and thanks even more for all your prayers. Nothing means more to us then prayers!