-First, I was never so excited to meet Kate as I am to meet Sam. There was a lot of nervousness over what having a baby would be like and a lot of fear that something would happen to her that tempered my excitement over Kate's arrival. Now, I just can not wait to meet my little boy! I want so badly to see his face, to snuggle him, teach him to nurse, dress him in all his cute boy clothes. I am ready to savor the weeks of his being a newborn. I know how they fly and I'm ready to cherish them.
-I am so excited for Kate to meet Sam. I am full of curiosity as to how she is going to react when she sees him. I want to know how she'll respond when he comes home and she realizes it's "for keeps". She loooooves babies right now and wants to shower them with affection (sometimes by trying to sit on them!) We could have some fun times ahead.
-I'm also a little sad about Kate not being my only baby anymore. I love that girl to pieces. Being her mom has been a joy that I never could have anticipated. She delights me everyday and I miss her when I'm gone from her. The past couple nights as I've put her to bed I've wondered if it's the last time I'll see her before I'm holding her brother. Brother!? How can she be about to be a big sister? She's just my baby girl still in my mind! I'm glad we are having a boy because she can remain my "only baby girl" in my heart:)
-I'm interested to see how David and I respond to this birth/first few weeks both together and separately. We were pretty much tumbled end over end by emotion, ill health because of emotion, and just generally being overwhelmed after Kate was born. I genuinely thought we had ruined our lives by having a baby for those first 10 days or so. It was rough. We both feel so much better prepared this time. We know what to expect. We know how fast the hard times go by. We know we can survive with far less sleep then we'd like (we are both very sleep dependent people!) We are parents already. We know the deep, deep love that comes with having a child. I am confident this time is going to be much better...but, I'm still interested to see:)
-Surprises. I feel like this pregnancy has had quite a few. Heck, even finding out I was pregnant was a surprise! It was kinda fun and surprising to see how different I've felt and looked being pregnant with a boy. Finding out I had gestational diabetes was a big and hard surprise. Then, having my 37 week appointment and finding out I am 4 cm, but the doctor doesn't want him to come until next week (hence restricted activity) was another surprise. She also wants to induce me at 39 weeks because I'm so dilated and had such a fast labor with Kate...Oh, and she's not 100% sure Sam's head is down because he's still very high but didn't order an ultrasound until next Monday.....Do I feel like a time bomb? Maybe:)
-The LORD. I'm so glad He is ruling over our lives with wisdom and love. I was feeling very peaceful about the labor and delivery until my appointment this past Monday. Now I am tempted to think of all the things that could go wrong. I don't want Sam to come before his lungs are fully ready, but I'm so impatient for him to come at the same time. I am pretty dilated, but I know I could walk around this way until past his due date, two weeks from now. I don't want to live each day expecting him to come and then being let down or growing frustrated. I'm afraid about him coming super fast and being born at home (it happened to my mom's mom and my aunt!) I'm afraid he'll never drop but my water will break and I'll end up with a c-section. I can go round and round, but I don't need to because God knows the day, hour, and way in which Sam will come. I can rest in that. I truly can. And I believe I am. I am going to wait patiently and with out fear using the grace that is so abundantly available to me. Whether Sam arrives tonight or in two weeks it will be good.
That's all for now!
4 comments:
Anne,
I loved reading your thoughts about the new baby and what you are excited, nervous, or curious about. Especially as the Lord has graciously let us anticipate experience this next year, I know I'll be in the same boat in 6-7 months!
I always find it so wonderful talking to other new mommas about what they were worried about, and what they just comfortably fell into and never feared. We are all such different individuals! For me, the first and second trimesters of my pregnancy were laden with fear and an inability to talk about it without that shadow of "What If I lose the baby?" But once I made it to the 3rd trimester, the reality kicked into high gear and I had a renewed confidence in God. I was SO EXCITED about labor! I just knew my body could do it. Even though my body had failed my to conceive naturally, I knew I could give birth naturally. There's not a clear explanation for it, just all the reading and everything made me confident. Very odd, but that was me!!!
I, too, am curious how your "Baby Kate" will enjoy her brother! My experience watching families has been so positive, and I'm praying that for you guys as well! One thing that may happen (I hope it does for us) is that Kate will form a new special bond with her Daddy since you'll necessarily be occupied with Sam those first few weeks. Elyana adores Jonathan, but I am eager to see that bond grow from necessity! :)
(contd)
I love how you phrase having her your "only baby girl" in your heart. Precious.
For me, the first 3 weeks were magical. Honeymoon. I was dizzyingly happy and everything was beyond perfect (ok, except the post-baby body). I pray you can experience that this time!
Love, love, love your final point about the peace the Lord is giving you, and how He's really allowing you to wait patiently resting in His grace, timing, and ways. Amen!
I hope the next update is with PICTURES of a tiny precious bundle of baby love!
AMEN!!!!!!!
anne, I love witnessing the joy and excitement you have this time around (even in the midst of legitimate concerns) as you look forward to welcoming another little one. It is truly evidence of God's grace growing and maturing you!
Please please please keep me updated about Sam's arrival. I will be anxiously watching for news and praying for you :)
The transition from one to two can be rough - it was harder for me than going from two to three - but there is definitely the benefit of knowing how to care for a baby and already being a mom. Its just the being a mom to two at the same time part that is tricky sometimes. Loving your kids and setting your heart to enjoy them even in the midst of chaos and sleep exhaustion goes a loooong way, which is why I know you will do great!
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