A Ramble

So I have pretty much blogged nothing about this pregnancy with Sam. It's amazing how having another child to care for pushes your pregnancy to the sidelines more often then not. With Kate, everything in our lives was focused on and awaiting her arrival. With our little guy there has been so much going on in our lives that his (now imminent) birth kinda snuck up on me. I guess I am just feeling like a want to record a few thoughts so that I can look back and remember what I was thinking and feeling at this time. I don't expect anyone to want to read it:)

-First, I was never so excited to meet Kate as I am to meet Sam. There was a lot of nervousness over what having a baby would be like and a lot of fear that something would happen to her that tempered my excitement over Kate's arrival. Now, I just can not wait to meet my little boy! I want so badly to see his face, to snuggle him, teach him to nurse, dress him in all his cute boy clothes. I am ready to savor the weeks of his being a newborn. I know how they fly and I'm ready to cherish them.

-I am so excited for Kate to meet Sam. I am full of curiosity as to how she is going to react when she sees him. I want to know how she'll respond when he comes home and she realizes it's "for keeps". She loooooves babies right now and wants to shower them with affection (sometimes by trying to sit on them!) We could have some fun times ahead.

-I'm also a little sad about Kate not being my only baby anymore. I love that girl to pieces. Being her mom has been a joy that I never could have anticipated. She delights me everyday and I miss her when I'm gone from her. The past couple nights as I've put her to bed I've wondered if it's the last time I'll see her before I'm holding her brother. Brother!? How can she be about to be a big sister? She's just my baby girl still in my mind! I'm glad we are having a boy because she can remain my "only baby girl" in my heart:)

-I'm interested to see how David and I respond to this birth/first few weeks both together and separately. We were pretty much tumbled end over end by emotion, ill health because of emotion, and just generally being overwhelmed after Kate was born. I genuinely thought we had ruined our lives by having a baby for those first 10 days or so. It was rough. We both feel so much better prepared this time. We know what to expect. We know how fast the hard times go by. We know we can survive with far less sleep then we'd like (we are both very sleep dependent people!) We are parents already. We know the deep, deep love that comes with having a child. I am confident this time is going to be much better...but, I'm still interested to see:)

-Surprises. I feel like this pregnancy has had quite a few. Heck, even finding out I was pregnant was a surprise! It was kinda fun and surprising to see how different I've felt and looked being pregnant with a boy. Finding out I had gestational diabetes was a big and hard surprise. Then, having my 37 week appointment and finding out I am 4 cm, but the doctor doesn't want him to come until next week (hence restricted activity) was another surprise. She also wants to induce me at 39 weeks because I'm so dilated and had such a fast labor with Kate...Oh, and she's not 100% sure Sam's head is down because he's still very high but didn't order an ultrasound until next Monday.....Do I feel like a time bomb? Maybe:)

-The LORD. I'm so glad He is ruling over our lives with wisdom and love. I was feeling very peaceful about the labor and delivery until my appointment this past Monday. Now I am tempted to think of all the things that could go wrong. I don't want Sam to come before his lungs are fully ready, but I'm so impatient for him to come at the same time. I am pretty dilated, but I know I could walk around this way until past his due date, two weeks from now. I don't want to live each day expecting him to come and then being let down or growing frustrated. I'm afraid about him coming super fast and being born at home (it happened to my mom's mom and my aunt!) I'm afraid he'll never drop but my water will break and I'll end up with a c-section. I can go round and round, but I don't need to because God knows the day, hour, and way in which Sam will come. I can rest in that. I truly can. And I believe I am. I am going to wait patiently and with out fear using the grace that is so abundantly available to me. Whether Sam arrives tonight or in two weeks it will be good.

That's all for now!

Then and Now

36 weeks with Kate

36 weeks with Sam

Kathryn Rebecca of SunnyBrook Farm

Yesterday Kate and I went with a large group of friends to Riverbend Farm out in Midland, NC. We did this last year around this time and it's hard to remember that Kate was not even one and couldn't walk! This year she had a blast running around, riding on a giant flat bed to a pumpkin field, enjoying ice cream on the covered porch, and sliding down the back of a pig statue. As much fun as she was having, I couldn't get her to smile for one picture! But here are some anyway:)

Here she is taking off on her adventure as soon as we got out of the car!

She decided to head back.

Contemplating what kind of pumpkin to pick...

She had to pick up quite a few pumpkins and then drop them because they were heavy!

She wanted to get closer to them

Thinking...

I have been trying to get her to say "cheese" and smile. Here she is saying "cheese" but no smile:)

The Follow Up

First of all, I want to thank all of you so very much for your prayers and support to us since we've been on this diagnosis path. It has been truly the biggest encouragement to me to experience the love and care of our bothers and sisters in Jesus. THANK YOU! You all are the greatest!

We had our follow up with the neurologist today to talk over the results of Kate's EEG and MRI. Praise the Lord, the MRI results were completely normal. So there is nothing wrong with the structure of her brain that would be causing these problems. As long as there is nothing weird on the blood work results (they aren't in yet as we just had them redrawn yesterday, and I am pretty sure they are going to be normal) then Kate's diagnosis is Epilepsy. The neurologist was unable to pinpoint exactly what kind of seizure Kate has been having from looking at the EEG. She said Kate's entire brain was showing seizure activity which would be considered a generalized seizure. However, it appeared at certain points on the EEG strip that the seizure was beginning on the left side of her brain (which would indicate partial seizures.) But, because the seizure activity then spread so rapidly it was impossible to tell if they are true partial or general seizures. The medication that she has been placed on is to treat both kinds so it doesn't really matter what they are.

The medicine is working really well since Kate has been on it twice a day and she is on the smallest dosage right now, which is great! The game plan from here is that she will follow up with the neurologist every so often and have EEGs intermittently to make sure she really is seizure free. David and I need to keep an eye on her here at home and if we notice seizure activity returning we will call the doctor and increase her medication dose. If we get to a place were, we, the doctor, and the EEGs indicate that she has been seizure free for 2 years then we can begin to taper off her medication and see if perhaps she has grown our of the epilepsy. It is a possibility (and certainly our prayer!) that Kate could grow out of this.

I am just so grateful to the Lord for providing a diagnosis and working treatment plan for us so quickly! You never want your child to be having seizures, but it really appears that we are in the best position we could be given the situation! God is very merciful.

Thank you again for all of your prayers!

The MRI

*If you are squemish or really tender hearted, be warned*

Thank you for praying for Kate's MRI today and for checking in tonight! The procedure went pretty well. We (Marilyn so kindly went with Kate and I) got down to Presbyterian at 7 this morning (I had been awake since 3:45 though because I got up to go to the bathroom then and couldn't fall back to sleep. Why does stress keep us up?)

We got checked in and after the anesthesiologist came and talked us through the procedure Kate had to take some Versed to get her calm and "loopy" so they could take her back and start her IV (she was also going to be given laughing gas before her IV was started.) She was SUCH a good girl and took the whole syringe of medicine with out any fight or spitting it out. I held her, all wrapped in blankets to get her warm so her veins would plump, in a little room for about 40 minutes while the medicine took affect. It was so funny because after awhile she started yelling out random words like, "Nigh nigh!" or "Ba" (bath.) Then, it was time to hand her off to the anesthesiologist who was going to take her into the MRI room and start her IV and they'd do the procedure. It was pretty hard to hand her off and not be able to stay with her. I'm almost never away from her and when I am I know she's with people I know and trust. In hindsight I kind of wish I'd pressed to be able to stay with her until her IV was in.

After about an hour and a half it was time to go to the recovery area and pick her up. When I walked in a nurse was holding Kate and she was crying really hard and her little face looked so distorted! Her eyes weren't open all the way and looked puffy. She still had her IV in her hand and it was making her so mad and she was desperately thirsty. She GULPED a cup of water once I told them what she was asking for. I got really upset as I held her and she thrashed around and cried. I could see that they had stuck her at least 4 times trying to get an IV started! That was really hard for me to take. I know she was sedated while it was happening and she won't remember any of it, but it was so tough for me to see as a mom. We got discharged shortly after we got her back and after some lunch at home she has been doing really well all day.

The only thing that happened that I am super upset about is that Kate was supposed to get labs drawn while her IV was being started and she was sedated. Well, as I was pulling in to the driveway on our way home from the hospital I got a call that her blood had gotten diluted with IV fluid and was not going to be useable. I have to take her back and have them redrawn. I am completely sad about this! I can not stand the thought of her having to be stuck again and with no sedation. I am so anxious that since the anesthesiologist had to stick her 4 times that the lab tech won't be able to get a vein. I am trying to surrender it all to Jesus. I know He is caring for my baby more then I do, but it's really hard for me. So if you could please be praying for my heart to be at rest and for the blood draw to go really smoothly when we do go back. Thank you so much!

Kate is in bed now and I am ready for some much need relaxing with Dave. Thanks again for checking in!

A Diagnosis

Thank you to all of you who have asked about, commented, and prayed for Kate since my last post. We saw a pediatric neurologist on August 31st and while Kate's exam looked normal in the office (as in she was using both sides of her body appropriately with equal strength and things like that) the doctor wanted her to have an EEG and an MRI and blood work done.

We had the EEG performed last Wednesday (September 8th.) I had requested prayers for Kate to have an "episode" while having the EEG performed. We didn't see any sort of startle or episode during the test and I felt pretty discouraged after it was over. It felt like such a lot to go through only to have it be useless. But then, this Wednesday, the nurse from the neurologist's office called and said that the EEG did show seizure activity even though Kate showed no visible signs of a seizure at the time. Right now it looks like she has some form of Epilepsy (a broader term for many different types of seizures that have no other underlying cause.) The doctor wanted her started on medication right away to get the seizure activity under control.

We started Kate on the anti seizure drug called Topamax (topiramate) last night and already this morning I have noticed that she hasn't "startled" once or had a seizure. She does seem a little "off" but she is also a bit sleep deprived right now so it's hard to say if that's the medicine talking or just being tired. We were told that she probably will be more tired and possibly have a loss of appetite as she adjusts to taking the medicine.

I don't have many more details beyond that right now because I've only been able to speak with the doctor's nurse as of right now. We won't see the doctor again until September 28th after Kate's MRI is performed next Wednesday the 22nd. She will have anesthesia for the MRI since she's too young to lay still for the test and her blood work will all be drawn while she is under sedation (I'm very glad for that!) Please pray for us for that whole experience! She can't eat or drink anything before the test because of the anesthesia, and if you know Kate, that is a hard thing to accomplish! Thankfully, the MRI will be done at 8am so she won't have to be deprived too long:)

Thanks for your continued prayers!

Our Little

We've had a lot going on with Kate in the past few months. I wanted to take a little time to update and ask you to pray for her. We have been noticing for a couple months that she is having episodes of seeming to startle for no obvious reason and then she "spaces out" for a few seconds. While she is spaced out she does not respond to her name or anything going on around her. She then seems to "wake up" and goes on as though nothing happened (although occasionally her mood would become more crabby). In the past week however these episodes have lengthened and she'll space our for 15-20 seconds and she seems noticeably tired/upset after the episode ends. We suspect she is having a form of seizure and saw her pediatrician this morning. Her pedi is also concerned about seizures (she thinks they might be what are called Partial Seizures) and referred us to a pediatric neurologist. We have an appointment to see the neuro next Tuesday, August 31st. Kate will have an EEG (electrodes placed on her scalp to measure brain waves) done and hopefully we can begin to get some answers.

*A particular prayer request would be, and this sounds a bit strange, that Kate would have one of these episodes while the EEG is being performed. We don't want her having seizures, but if she is, being able to catch one during the test will give the doctor a MUCH clearer picture of what is going on with her. There is no way for us to know when one will happen, but God does and He can do whatever needs to be done to help us get a diagnosis!*

David and I do not feel anxious about Kate (although, the episodes that happened while we were at the beach were a bit alarming.) We are just so grateful for the access we have to help from doctors and we are praying that God would give wisdom to those who treat Kate and that He would provide us with clear answers so that she can get the help she needs.

We had also noticed some stagnation and even some regression in her language development over the last few months that had us a bit concerned (could have been related to the upheaval of moving and living with my folks, or these possible seizures?) But, over the past two weeks she has begun to pick up many new words and is communicating very well through gestures and a couple of signs. I spoke with the pediatrician about this while we were there this morning and she isn't concerned right now, and neither are we. But you can also keep K's language development in your prayers! That she would continue to progress!

Besides these things, Kate is doing great and is so happy and cheerful lately which has been a delight to us! Here are some pictures of her sweetness:)

She climbed up on the sofa to read all by herself

She is really enjoying the baby equipment I've pulled out/gotten back from people lately:) This swing plays some very obnoxious music that Kate keeps running most of the time and makes our house feel like an elevator.